True

Ryan Cabrera

Marriage. This is the song that I walked down the isle to on the day I married my lover and my best friend, Jason William Barth on April 22nd, 2006. This song represents the happiest day of my life. It also represents taking that plunge, taking that step off the cliff into the unknown. Taking risks, embracing change… that thing which I have a love-hate relationship with. Change is hard, but necessary and it develops in you character and strength. That’s what I’ve learned through being married and taking all the steps that I’ve taken thus far. Change makes you who you are because it is when you are forced to change that you find out what you’re made of and who you really are inside. Jesus invites us into the realm of change. He changes us from the inside out and prepares us for stepping off that cliff into the unknown. Marrying Jay was one of, if not the biggest leap I have made. It’s putting your all into another human being that you trust. It’s scary, but it’s just as thrilling. I really had waited my whole life to find someone to give my whole heart to. I always knew that once I had given my heart away, it would be once and for all, no going back, a total commitment. And that’s where I stand right now. I crossed that line, I walked up that isle to my future, I said, “I do” to what lies ahead. Now I walk with Jay, hand in hand, Christ guiding us all the way, and I look forward to all that He has in store for both of us.

I won’t talk, I won’t breathe
I won’t move till you finally see
That you belong with me

You might think I don’t look
But deep inside the corner of my mind
I’m attached to you

I’m weak, it’s true
I’m just scared to know the answer
Do you see me too?
Cause my heart keeps falling faster

I’ve waited all my life to cross this line
To the only thing that’s true
So I will not hide, it’s time to try
Anything to be with you
All my life I’ve waited
This is true

You don’t know what you do
Every time you walk into the room
I’m afraid to move

I’m weak, it’s true
I’m just scared to know the ending
Do you see me too?
Do you even know you met me?

I’ve waited all my life to cross this line
To the only thing that’s true
So I will not hide, it’s time to try
Anything to be with you
All my life I’ve waited
This is true

I know when I go, I’ll be on my way to you
The way that’s true

I’ve waited all my life to cross this line
To the only thing that’s true
So I will not hide, it’s time to try
Anything to be with you
All my life I’ve waited
This is true

Breakaway

Kelly Clarkson

The summary of practically my entire life is summed up in this song. The whole experience of breaking away from one’s parents and finding your identity and independence is how this song applies to me. I may not have grown up in a small town (I grew up in Albuquerque, which is the largest city in New Mexico), and I may have dreamed more about going to Africa and riding on the back of an elephant than I did feeling a warm breeze and swinging around wild indoors, this song still has many truths that compare with my life. The verse that says “trying hard to reach out, but when I tried to speak out, felt like no one could hear me” describes, just as the song Sister On Trial describes, the disposition I had in my family (for more explanation see the narrative for the song Sister On Trial by Brian Joseph). Praying has been an integral part of my life and a practice that I use daily. I wanted to belong in my family, but I always felt like there was something more, something I was missing. It wasn’t easy breaking away from my parents whom I had been attached to and dependent upon for so long and who I loved so very much…but once I had, though I still loved my family, I found I was able to discover that which I had been searching for… myself.

Grew up in a small town and when the rain would fall down
I’d just stare out my window
Dreaming of what could be and if I’d end up happy
I would pray (I would pray)
Trying hard to reach out but when I tried to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
Wanted to belong here but something felt so wrong here
So I’d pray (I would pray) I could breakaway

I’ll spread my wings and I’ll learn how to fly
I’ll do what it takes till I touch the sky, and I’ll
Make a wish, take a chance, make a change, and
Breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won’t forget all the ones that I love, I’ll
Take risk, take a chance, make a change, and
Breakaway

Wanna feel the warm breeze, sleep under a palm tree
Feel the rush of the ocean
Get on board a fast train, travel on a jet plane
Far away, and
Breakaway

I’ll spread my wings and I’ll learn how to fly
I’ll do what it takes till I touch the sky, and I’ll
Make a wish, take a chance, make a change, and
Breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
I won’t forget all the ones that I love, I gotta
Take a risk, take a chance, make a change, and
Breakaway

Buildings with a hundred floors
Swinging around revolving doors
Maybe I don’t know where they’ll take me, but
Gotta keep moving on, moving on
Fly away
Breakaway

I’ll spread my wings and I’ll learn how to fly
Though it’s not easy to tell you good-bye, gotta
Take a risk, take a chance, make a change, and
Breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won’t forget the place I come from, I gotta
Take risk, take a chance, make a change, and

Breakaway, breakaway, breakaway

Painting Pictures of Egypt

Sara Groves

Change. That’s what this song is about for me. The hesitancy of making a change in your life. Again, a song about the choices we make and how they affect our lives. Only this time, it’s more from the perspective of the one making the choices and how those choices are made. Sara Groves uses the story of the Israelites exodus out of Egypt, and the 40 days of wandering that they went through (even though their journey could have only taken a day or two), to the process of change.  This song reflects how I am with change. I don’t like it, and I do not enter into it easily. I like to be in my comfort zone and I’d rather stay there if at all possible. Problem is, being a Christian means stepping out of your comfort zone and into the life God has prepared for you. While I know this, and anticipate all that God has in store for me, I always have that hesitancy-- that initial step off the cliff feeling whenever God calls for a change to be made in my life. It seems that whenever we reflect on our past we leave out the negative things and just see the things we miss and that’s how nostalgia is formed. Even if we were miserable at the time, we look back and say, “oh, just to be back in the good ‘ole days”. I do that too, but more especially when I am faced with a change. However, I have come to learn that change is not always a bad thing, and can oftentimes be a good thing and it helps us to grow and learn. I think I will always initially have this hesitancy though, even while I have learned to overcome it.

I don’t wanna leave here, don’t wanna stay
It feels like pinching to me either way
And the places I long for the most are the places where I’ve been
They are calling out to me like a long lost friend

It’s not about losing faith, it’s not about trust
It’s all about comfortable when you move so much
And the place I was wasn’t perfect but I had found a way to live
And it wasn’t milk or honey but then neither is this

I’ve been painting pictures of Egypt
I’m leaving out what it lacks
Cause the future feels so hard and I wanna go back
But the places they used to fit me, cannot hold the things I’ve learned
And those roads were closed off to me while my back was turned

The past is so tangible, I know it by heart
Familiar things are never easy to discard
And I was dying for some freedom but now I hesitate to go
I am caught between the promise and the things I know

I’ve been painting pictures of Egypt
I’m leaving out what it lacks
Cause the future feels so hard and I wanna go back
But the places they used to fit me, cannot hold the things I’ve learned
And those roads were closed off to me while my back was turned

If it comes too quick, I may not recognize it
Is that the reason behind all this time and sand?
If it comes too quick, I may not appreciate it

Is that the reason behind all this time and sand?

Stations

Denison Witmer

Stations make me think of the end of my freshman year of college. I was introduced to this song through my friend at the time, Amy, and a couple other friends as well. This song first took on its meaning when I had first started going out with Jay and we had started our courtship. As I was entering into a new phase of my life, I was reflecting on the “station” that I was at in life at that point and how many other “stations” had brought me to that point. In other words, I was thinking about the choices I had made and how each of those choices had played their part in bringing me to where I was. I think we all do that at some point… we make a decision, but then we look back and wonder what might have happened had we made a different choice, or how the choices we had made in the past have affected us. Well, that’s what this song means to me. It means looking back on life and seeing the people and places that you’ve been through and how they shaped your life and who you are. When you make a choice that causes a change in your life, do you forfeit all that you were beforehand, or does part of your past still go with you into the future? For me, this song reflects that question…

I’ll be waiting on your train
When you come back, through the Western states
Where I left you on the platform
Life gets so hard, but I know that you’ll be fine

Stations make me think of my own travels
All the people and places I’ve been through
When you find out they’re the same thing
As the people and places where you grew

Can you promise me
You’ll still love, what you loved
When you left?
Will you promise me
You’ll still have, what you had
When you left?

All I want is to be honest
Like the seasons, as talk about that slows
There’s compassion that holds no words
It holds no words
I feel it as you go

Can you promise me
You’ll still love, what you loved
When you left?
Will you promise me
You’ll still have, what you had
When you left?

Miss Independent

Kelly Clarkson

I’d never considered myself to be an “independent” person prior to going to college and meeting Jay (who later on became my husband). I’d always been dependent on some sort of adult figure, be it my parents, nurses or doctors, to guide me along and take care of me. I soon started realizing, however, how guarded I was when it came to guys. I’d had a boyfriend my senior year in high school, which lasted about six months, and while I enjoyed it while it lasted, I can’t say that I fully gave my whole heart to him. I always kept a part of my heart protected for fear of getting hurt. I’d had a negative experience in my past with a man, which caused me to be more guarded later on in life. I was always content with being single and who I was individually. I might have dreamed about one day meeting the perfect guy and getting married, but it was a dream that I never really thought would come true. Anytime a guy would seemingly try to flirt with me or attract my attention it would turn me off immediately. That’s where the “miss if you wanna use that line you better not start” comes into play. Besides having trust issues with guys, I knew that there was something else that almost any guy would be driven away by, and that was my disorder. What guy would be crazy enough to take on a woman who had a life-long disorder that involved so much? I just didn’t believe it could happen. Well, it did obviously, or I wouldn’t be married right now. I still remember first falling for Jay and how scared yet excited I was. I wanted to run away because I didn’t know how to handle the feelings I was having nor did I want to rush into things too quickly, and yet, I just couldn’t stop thinking about him, and I couldn’t deny that connection that I felt every time we were together. At first I pushed myself away from Jay, but after some encouragement from one of my friends at the time who told me to “at least give him a try”, I did just that and it was one of the best decisions I’ve made. So for me this song is about letting down your guard and stepping off that scary cliff and just letting yourself fall… in love.

Miss independent
Miss self-sufficient
Miss keep your distance, mmm

Miss unafraid
Miss out of my way
Miss don’t let a man interfere, no

Miss on her own
Miss almost grown
Miss never let a man help her off her throne, so

By keeping her heart protected
She’ll never, ever feel rejected
Little miss apprehensive
Said, ooh, she fell in love

What is this feeling taking over?
Thinking no one could open the door
Surprise, it’s time, to feel what’s real
What happened to miss independent?
No longer need to be defensive
Goodbye, old you, when love is true

Miss guided heart
Miss play it smart
Miss if you wanna use that line, you better not start, no

But she miscalculated
She didn’t want to end up jaded
And this miss decided not to miss out on true love, so

By changing a misconception
She went in a new direction
And found inside, she felt a connection
She fell in love

What is this feeling taking over?
Thinking no one could open the door
Surprise, it’s time, to feel what’s real
What happened to miss independent?
No longer need to be defensive
Goodbye, old you, when love is true (when love is true)

When miss independent walked away
No time for love that came her way
She looked in the mirror and thought, today
What happened to miss no longer afraid?
It took some time for her to see
How beautiful love can truly be
No more talk of why can’t that be me
I’m so glad I’ve finally seen

What is this feeling taking over?
Thinking no one could open the door
Surprise, it’s time to feel what’s real
What happened to miss independent?
No longer need to be defensive

Goodbye, old you, when love is true (when love is true)

The Great Unknown

Jayme Salvati

I met Jayme Salvati my freshman year at Shepherd College. I was involved with a Christian organization on campus called Common Ground and she was one of the lead vocals in the Common Ground band that played worship songs at the meetings every Wednesday night. I still remember when she sang this song and I heard it for the first time, it sent a chill down my spine and I have never forgotten it since then. This song was on one of the Common Ground CD’s that the group gave away for free to anyone that wanted one as part of its ministry on the campus. For me, this song marks the transition between high school and college, between living at home and being away from home, between being surrounded by the familiar and comfortable to stepping into new territory, new faces, a new routine and in essence, a new way of life. It served as an encouragement for me to go forward in life knowing that God is behind me all the way and that by having my faith as my backbone, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Philippians 4:13).

Leave a message cause I’m not home
I’ve gone to conquer the great unknown

With God behind me I’m on my way
All I gotta do is hope and pray, today

Cause if I fall, He’s gonna pick me up
And if I make a mistake, He’s gonna forgive me
And even if I deny His love, He’s gonna help me see the truth
In Him, in Him.

So forget about my fate and forget about my destiny
Cause it’s all about His plan and what He’s got in store for me

Cause if I fall, He’s gonna pick me up
And if I make a mistake, He’s gonna forgive me
And even if I deny His love, He’s gonna help me see the truth
In Him, in Him.

So, leave a message cause I’m not home
I’ve gone to conquer the great unknown

Wide Open Spaces

Dixie Chicks

This was one of the first country songs that I got into. Prior to the Dixie Chicks and Deanna Carter I hated country music altogether. My sister introduced my to the song “Strawberry Wine” by Deanna Carter and then this song from the Dixie Chicks and that was the beginning of my love for country music. I relate to the need to go out and explore life on one’s own, especially since I had always been dependent on my parents or nurses to guide me through life. As I became more independent through breathing on my own during the daytime and not needing daytime nurses anymore, as well as getting a service dog, this song became one of several that encouraged me to go out and be brave and see what life had in store for me. The fact that I grew up out west also forms a connection with me as well.

Who doesn’t know what I’m talking about?
Who’s never left home, who’s never struck out,
To find a dream and a life of their own,
A place in the clouds a foundation of stone?

Many precede and many will follow
A young girl’s dreams no longer hollow
It takes the shape of a place out west
But what it holds for her she hasn’t guessed yet

She needs, wide open spaces
Room to make the big mistakes
She needs, new faces
She knows the highest stakes

She traveled this road as a child
Wide-eyed and grinning, she never tired
But now she won’t be coming back with the rest
If these are life’s lessons she’ll take this test

She needed, wide open spaces
Room to make the big mistakes
She needs, new faces
She knows the highest stakes

As her folks drive away her dad yells, “Check the oil”
Mom stares out the window and says, “I’m leaving, my girl”
She said, “It didn’t seem like I left long ago”
When she stood there and let her own folks go

She needed, wide open spaces
Room to make the big mistakes
She needs, new faces
She knows the highest stakes
She knows the highest stakes
She knows the highest stakes (repeat)

Who I Am

Jessica Andrews

I can relate to this song in several ways. For one, I am the spitting image of my father, and I have been known, all too often, to be clueless and clumsy. My grandmother’s name is not Rosemary, instead they are Jane and Marion, but the chorus does describe some of the things that make me “who I am” as the song states. It’s important to know who you are and where you stand, especially in a world that is constantly trying to define that for you. I know, at the end of the day, no matter what happens that I’ll always have my faith, my family and my friends who love me for who I am and no less. I may not have a ton of friends, but I have a few close friends that I know I can depend on. Truthfully, I prefer it that way. I don’t need to be popular, I just need to be who I am in Christ and to be content with that. As a teenager in high school this song helped me to establish that foundation and in turn, to hold on to my faith, my morals and my dreams.

If I live to be a hundred and never see the seven wonders
That’ll be alright
I don’t make it to the Big Leagues, if I never win a Grammy
That’ll be just fine
Cause I know exactly who I am

I am Rosemary’s granddaughter
The spitting image of my father
And when the day is done my mama’s still my biggest fan
Sometimes I’m clueless and I’m clumsy
But I’ve got friends that love me
And they know just where I stand
It’s all a part of me, and that’s who I am

So when I make a big mistake, when I fall flat on my face
I know I’ll be alright
Should my tender heart be broken, I will cry those tear drops knowing
I will be just fine
Cause nothing changes who I am

I am Rosemary’s granddaughter
The spitting image of my father
And when the day is done my mama’s still my biggest fan
Sometimes I’m clueless and I’m clumsy
But I’ve got friends that love me
And they know just where I stand
It’s all a part of me, and that’s who I am

I’m a saint and I’m a sinner
I’m a loser, I’m a winner
I am steady and I’m stable
I’m young but I am able

I am Rosemary’s granddaughter
The spitting image of my father
And when the day is done my mama’s still my biggest fan
Sometimes I’m clueless and I’m clumsy
But I’ve got friends that love me
And they know where I stand
It’s all a part of me, and that’s who I am
That’s who I am

Hands

Jewel

The movie Ever After with Drew Barrymore, which came out back in 1998, is what makes this song so relevant to the period of my life when I was in high school. I loved this movie from the moment it was advertised as postcards in the Seventeen magazines that I liked to read. It quickly became my favorite movie and some of my favorite memories are of me and my friend Lauren watching the movie a million times and going on Lewis and Clark expeditions in the woods during our summer vacations. Therefore, the stanza starting with, “poverty stole your golden shoe” through “ but I knew it wasn’t ever after” holds a special meaning to me. In addition though, this song was one of my favorites (specifically during my freshman and sophomore years of high school). It aided in me continuing to hold strongly to my faith and to never give up on my dreams.

If I could tell the world just one thing it would be:
That we’re all OK
And not to worry ‘cause worry is wasteful and useless in times like these
I won’t be made useless
I won’t be idle with despair
I’ll gather myself around my faith
For light does the darkness most fear

My hands are small I know
But they’re not yours they are my own
But they’re not yours they are my own, and
I am never broken

Poverty stole your golden shoe
It didn’t steal your laughter
And heartache came to visit me
But I knew it wasn’t ever after
We’ll fight not out of spite
But someone must stand up for what’s right
Cause where there’s a man who has no voice
There I shall go singing

My hands are small I know
But they’re not yours they are my own
But they’re not yours they are my own, and
I am never broken

In the end, only kindness matters
In the end, only kindness matters
I will get down on my knees and I will pray
I will get down on my knees and I will pray
I will get down on my knees and I will pray

My hands are small I know
But they’re not yours they are my own
But they’re not yours they are my own, and
I am never broken
We are never broken
We are God’s eyes, God’s hands, God’s heart (repeat)

Love Song For A Savior

Jars of Clay

I love this song because it not only describes where I’ve been but where, in a lot of ways, I still am in my walk with God. If I had to pinpoint a specific period of my life that I could attribute this song to it would be 8th grade through the beginning of high school in terms of when I really started exploring my faith and beliefs and what I wanted, what it was all supposed to mean to me. Eighth grade was when I set out to actually start reading my Bible on my own and start really thinking about my beliefs and how I could make them more real and personal to me. However, the reality is simply that I still have that simplistic child-like mindset when it comes to my viewpoint on God and Jesus and my relationship with Him. At the heart of me I am still like a child that just wants to sit at her Father’s feet and gaze up at His loving face and just fall in love with Him over and over again. Being in love with Jesus is what sustains me and is the central core of what makes me who I am.

In open fields of wild flowers, she breathes the air and fly’s away
She thanks her Jesus for the daisies and the roses
For no simple language, someday she’ll understand
The meaning of it all

He’s more than the laughter, or the stars in the heavens
As close as a heartbeat or a song on her lips
Someday she’ll trust Him and learn how to see Him
Someday she’ll call Him and He will come running
Fall in His arms, the tears will fall down and she’ll pray

I want to fall in love with You
I want to fall in love with You
I want to fall in love with You
I want to fall in love with You

Sitting silent wearing Sunday best
The sermon echoes through the walls
A great salvation through it
Goes to the people who stare into nowhere
Can’t feel the chains on their souls

He’s more than the laughter, or the stars in the heavens
As close as a heartbeat or a song on her lips
Someday we’ll trust Him and learn how to see Him
Someday He’ll call us, we will come running
Fall in His arms, the tears will fall down and we’ll pray

I want to fall in love with You
I want to fall in love with You
I want to fall in love with You
I want to fall in love with You

Seems too easy to call You Savior
Not close enough to call You God
So as I sit and think of the words I didn’t mention
To show my devotion

I want to fall in love with You (repeat)

Maybe There's A Loving God

Sara Groves

This song reminds me of where I was at developmentally/spiritually from about 4th grade through 6th or 7th grade. The song talks about “lying on my back in the middle of a field.” Well, for me, it was more like, “lying on my back high up in a tree.” When I hear this song a picture comes to my mind of our house in Albuquerque, NM and I am in the backyard having climbed either the big oak tree or the apple tree and it is evening time. The stars are just starting to come out, but there is still some light in the sky and I am staring up at the sky just content to be in my own little world. Even when confined to the ventilator (when, for example, my pacers would break), I would still find a way to climb up those trees. My parents actually have a picture of me laying in the apple tree, the ventilator tubing traveling up the tree trunk, my machine sitting on the ground below me, I’m engulfed reading a book, and our family Labrador retriever, Bobbie (R.I. P. 2001), is right below me happily looking at the camera. I was in a very contemplative state then and was very much caught up in my own world, which included having imaginary friends. I tended to be very spaced out most of the time, and I remember more than once my mother becoming frustrated with my detached behavior. Paying attention in class tended to be a struggle, and along with that came a struggle with grades as well. For this reason, the second stanza in the song starting with “I have another meeting today…”, rings very true. Spiritually I was content in believing what my parents had taught me to believe and didn’t spend much time questioning it or pondering it, though as I grew older I began to try to explore and to understand what it was all supposed to mean to me.

I’m trying to work things out, I’m trying to comprehend
Am I the chance result of some great accident?
I hear a rhythm call me, the echo of a grand design
I spend all night in the backyard
Staring up at the stars in the sky

I have another meeting today with my new counselor
My mom will cry and say, “I don’t know what to do with her.
She’s so unresponsive, I just cannot break through.
She spends all night in the backyard
Staring up at the stars and the moon.”

They have a chart and graph of my despondency
They want to chart a path for self-recovery
They want to know what I’m thinking, what motivates my mood
To spend all night in the backyard
Staring up at the stars and the moon

Maybe this was made for me
For lying on my back in the middle of a field
Maybe that’s a selfish thought
Or maybe there’s a loving God

Maybe I was made this way
To think and reason and question and pray
And I have never prayed a lot

But maybe there’s a loving God

Sister On Trial

Brian Joseph

I first heard this song at a house concert in Rockville, MD. Brian Joseph was performing at the neighbors, Scott and Paula Moore, Moore Music house concert that they hosted every month. It so happened that it coincided with my spring break my freshman year at Shepherd College. I went to the house concert with my parents and my sister Rebecca who was also home for the same weekend that I was. Prior to going the house concert I had confessed to my sister some feelings I had been having of depression, though I assured her it wasn’t anything to where I was seriously depressed, I had just been going through a small period where I had been feeling kind of down and out though I wasn’t exactly sure why. I was just trying to figure out what I was supposed to be doing and I think mainly I was just scared. Anyway, that night we went to this house concert and when Brian Joseph sung this song, it hit me like a ton of bricks. When he sung the last verse, my sister looked at me, and I looked at her and we both smiled and stifled a smirk. I knew what she was thinking, because I was thinking the same thing myself. I was that sister on trial. If ever a song could be sung to paint a portrait of my family and my position in it growing up, this would be the one. The verse that says “when I get up to testify on my own behalf, and tell all the truths I have always known everyone starts to laugh”, describes how it is for me when I try to be serious about something, or try to voice a concern. Generally, whenever I have tried to do this, I have gotten literally laughed at. I know it isn’t because my family (or husband, even) is trying to be mean or condescending, I suppose it’s just that it comes across as so contrary to my personality or nature, that I come across more as “cute” than as serious. Frustrating, but at the same time understandable I guess…

They never took her away with her hands in cuffs
They never read her her rights
And she never had to sit on the witness stand to defend her life
And I wouldn’t claim that I could explain
My sister’s crime
But she says she’s on trial in the courtroom in her mind

It’s kinda like a family reunion she says, all of the family is there
Dad is the bailiff, but he’s fallin’ asleep in the bailiff’s chair
And there’s lots of waiting and I get scared and then we all stand
And mom comes in with a gavel in her hand

True, there have been days of hiding
But who doesn’t have secrets in their heart
Once in awhile?
Sister, sister on trial

She says when I get up to testify on my own behalf
And tell all the truths I have always known, everyone starts to laugh
And the judge doesn’t pay attention, she just polishes my P.H.D.
And the bailiff sleeps through everything and I can never leave

True, there have been days of hiding
But who doesn’t have secrets in their heart
Once in awhile?
Sister, sister on trial

After she told me this story I looked at my sister for awhile
And I said, how does it end, what happens in the trial?
She said the scariest part of the whole damn thing
Just between me and you
Is they’ll always find me guilty, cause I’m the jury too

Long ago when we were kids and I’d be making waves
My sister was a good girl, she knew how to behave
And I would always find myself in trouble of every kind
But I never knew she was the one on trial in her mind

True, there have been days of hiding
But who doesn’t have secrets in their hearts
Once in awhile?
Sister, sister on trial
Oh, sister.